Preparing

Spring is coming.  I am feeling a bit ironic as I write this, since I am sitting in front of a window watching the snow falling.  I live in a place where snow is rare and exciting, and I wouldn't have it any other way (on both counts).  But, still, it will be warm before we know it, flowers will bloom, and my students will decide it is tanks-and-shorts-weather.  There are things I like about each season, but I think most people really look forward to spring each year.

I have already been out in the yard, working.  This is our first year of owning "a bit of earth" as Mary says in The Secret Garden.  When we lived in our apartment, I longed for a yard.  Last weekend, I raked out flower beds and set out bulbs.  Yesterday, we took advantage of the warmer weather and completed some epic tasks: transplanting a crepe myrtle, a dogwood tree, and a small magnolia, as well as pruning all the crepe myrtles.  It was very hard, messy labor, but I loved it.  And, even though all our work is being currently covered over with a blanket of snow, I know that beneath the soil, the plants are getting ready.

Spring is a time of preparation.  For Christians, we prepare to celebrate Easter.  Although many of us, especially in Protestant churches, don't give the days before Easter as much thought as we do about the weeks leading up to Christmas, I certainly think that this is a perfect time for reflection.  This year, I am working through an Easter devotional recently published by my friend Kirsten, called Consider the Cross: Devotions for Lent.  It contains 40 days of devotions that reflect on the last week of Jesus's life before the crucifixion.  What I appreciate about the book is that although it is not a heavy, exegetical study, it is a serious reflection that asks some really intriguing questions.  The goal, as a Christian, is to always know Christ better, and this allows for such an intimate look at this point in His life.  I will be doing a more in-depth review later on, but right now, if you are interested in adding an Easter devotional to your day, you should certainly check this out.

Lent is an interesting word, by the way.  If you are Baptist, like me, you might view the word with a bit of suspicion.  Growing up, my only exposure to the concept was hearing Methodist friends discussing what they were "giving up" for Lent.  At a conference last year, a fellow panelist offered me the cookie that came with our box lunches, explaining he had given them up as a Lenten vow.  "Sure, thanks," I said, "I'm Baptist, we eat our cookies all year."

The word lent comes from an Old English word for spring (actually from a word that means "lengthen"--as the days get longer in spring.)  The word was adopted in the Middle Ages by the church to indicate this period of preparation during which many people fasted, prayed, and reflected on the Cross.  While I am not planning on giving up cookies this year, I do think that observing a period of reflection is a good idea, no matter what denomination you are from.

Snow and Scripture Memorization

First, it is snowing.  On March 28th.  In North Carolina.  Looks like I will get to try out the mittens after all.

Second, I will be attempting to memorize more Scripture.  This is something that I was forced to think about as I was doing some work on our Youth study for church.  I memorized some Scripture when I accepted Christ as a teenager, but I haven't done much since.  I will remember a phrase or two, but I am particularly awful with remembering the reference, so I'm usually going, "yeah, I'm sure that's in there somewhere."  So here's the verse(s) for this week--something from a recent lesson I taught the girls' class.

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.  And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." ~Romans 12:1-2

I like the idea of being constantly renewed and transformed--especially if it means revealing the good, acceptable, and perfect will of God.  Also, the phrase "reasonable service" doesn't mean "what is expected of you" like I at first thought.  It means spiritual worship--I talk to the youth about what the word "worship" means, trying to get them to think beyond the "worship service," the sermon and singing.  Here, our dedication of our selves to God is an act of worship.

The Academic Life: Perspective

I will now wax philosophical....

During my first year in the MA program, an undergraduate professor asked me to write an article on graduate school, to be read by students at my Alma mater who were considering applying themselves.  I can't remember exactly what I wrote, but I have the feeling that it was rather uninformed, and probably not very helpful.  A few months of graduate school hardly made me the best authority on the subject.

Recently, I have begun rewriting that article in my head, probably because I am almost done with graduate school, and I hope I have attained a slightly better and wiser understanding of the matter....although I can't be certain.

At any rate, I think that the single most important thing I have learned about the academic life is perspective.  Graduate school shunts you into a rather narrow paradigm, a mindset about academia that is propagated by mainstream culture as well as the academy itself.  This mindset can be broken down into the following ideas:

1) Being smart is the most important thing in the world.  There is the mindset, "We think big thoughts!  Big, important, but undervalued, thoughts!"  I remember feeling the pressure to think big thoughts - not for the sake of the thoughts or thinking or ideas, but to prove that I belonged, that I was academic material.  That I was important. 

2) Graduate school is necessarily competitive.  We must know who is the smartest!  Under certain situations, a classroom personality could emerge, a nasty, bullying personality.  Everyone trying to out-think everyone else, speaking English-ese and name-dropping obscure theorists. 

3) Graduate school is about a series of nearly impossible, soul-sucking tasks that must consume your every waking hour, as well as your dreams.  The program is set-up to try you.  The dreaded comprehensive exams.  The expectation is that in the face of such  an insurmountable obstacle, you must become a blithering zombie who gave up sleep and sanity long ago.  The dissertation is supposed to daily reduce you to tears of bitter frustration.

4)  The only point of going through this experience is to get a good job.  And, when we say good, we mean a tenured professor at a top, research university.  But, because the job market is abysmal, we will finish our work while alternating between nail-biting anxiety and spiraling despair.

There is another way.  This has not been my experience with graduate school, thank goodness.  And I don't mean this to be patronizing or otherwise self-aggrandizing.  Of course, graduate school is hard.  And, in a way, it should be - otherwise that fancy title you get at the end wouldn't mean much.  But, I think that we sometimes make things much harder than they have to be by believing the hype.

I believe that there are many, many important things in life.  The preceding list, however, doesn't make into the top ten.  I'm about to break out the Sunday School rhetoric, so get ready: God is the most important thing in life, and beyond.  How's that for perspective?  The God of the Universe, the Creator of all things, the One who save us, compared with comprehensive exams?  Puh-leaze.  Will my ability to make the smartest comment in class have eternal consequences?  Probably not.

And the amazing thing is, God gives us words and directions that help us to have perspective on things like graduate school.  He says things like, "Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat , or what ye shall drink ; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on . Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?"*  Isn't life more than your grades and your degree?  But that's not the only reason not to worry - what am I going to do if I can't get a job, what if I don't pass my exam, what if I don't finish my dissertation?  Paul writes, " But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."**  I can relax because I know that I will be taken care of.  That doesn't mean that everything will work out according to my plan.  But whatever God wills has got to be better than anything I could have come up with.

Letting go of the hype is a very freeing experience.  It took me a while to get there, of course, and I am not now completely rid of the occasional round of worry.  But, I didn't lose any sleep over my exams.  I read some of everything on my list and actually enjoyed quite a bit of it (and what I didn't enjoy, I read as little as possible).  I am enjoying writing my dissertation.  I love my topic and I love the research and I love what I have written.  I believe that less stress actually makes you more productive.  If you say, in the long run, this doesn't really matter, you actually do pretty good work on it.  I don't work on weekends and I don't work in the evenings.  I go hiking.  I visit my family.  I read tons of good, absolutely non-academic books.  I teach a youth class, sing in the choir, and volunteer tutor.  I knit and crochet and draw and bake.  I have not had to compromise my real life for my academic life.  I recognize that this is a paradox - the best (most painless) way to succeed is to decide it doesn't matter.  This, however, does not mean that I take my work lightly.  On the contrary, I would like to think.  In fact, I consider it beyond just work, and something bordering more on craft.  But, that will have to be another post.

*Matthew 6:25
**Philippians 4:19

Good Words

Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. - Hebrews 4:14-16

Christ is our high priest - He connects us with the Father.  He knows our struggles and weaknesses and can sympathize because He is fully man as well as fully God.  Therefore we can confidently bring our problems and thoughts and fears to Him, and He will give us mercy and grace.  Prayer isn't something we have to do - it is a gift.

Awesome.

For the Beauty of the Earth

I have been loving early mornings.  I have been assigned to teach at 8am this semester, and I fretted all summer long, knowing that it would mean dragging myself out of bed at an unearthly hour - one of the down-sides of a longish commute and a commitment to hygeine.  And even though I am only teaching two days a week, I know that if I allow myself to sleep in on non-teaching days, I will hate myself on the mornings I can't sleep in.  So I have seen 5:30am every day for a week.  And I have to say, it is beautiful.

I have started running a bit earlier, and Monday morning was so beautiful.  There was a fog lying low over the fields, and the sun came up molten red-gold.  This morning I wanted to try to get pictures, but alas, no fog.  There were other pretty things to see, however.

Lillies heavy with dew.

Over-grown fence-posts.

Morning glories.  I know these are kind of considered a weed and a nuisance, but I am fond of them.  In junior high, our beloved band director nicknamed us according to...I don't know, some kind of word association that occured to him.  I was Morning Glory Hallelujah, Glory for short.  And that is what I was called for three years.  I think he would call me that today.

Red berries.

I think these are nasturtiums?  I'm not sure, but I like this picture with the fiery flowers and the hazy white house in the background.

It's September, one of my favorite months.  I love the change of summer into fall.  Everything begins to look burnished and ripe.  Mornings get a bit cooler and I think of camping.  Geese will begin flying like arrows.  I don't think it's hard to understand that God loves us when we see what He created for us.  So many good things - the promise of salvation, the relationships with our family and friends, and golden, late-summer fields, covered over with orange and pink flowers.

For the beauty of the earth

For the Glory of the skies,

For the love which from our birth

Over and around us lies:

'Lord of all, to Thee we raise

this our grateful hymn of praise

                                

                                   -Folliott S. Pierpoint, 1864

Lead, Guide, and Direct: Thoughts from Today's Quiet Time

Quiet time: n. time spent reading scripture, praying, and drawing close to God.  I would like for it to happen every day, but, of course, it doesn't.  Today, however, I pulled out my Bible and read while munching on my Apple Pecan Chicken salad from Wendy's for lunch.  It was peaceful.  And tasty.  I don't think eating during quiet time is irreverant.  Often times it feels like the only time I get to sit down and focus is during breakfast or lunch.

I sometimes use a devotional magazine my church gets.  Today the scripture it referenced was exciting: Psalm32:6-11.  The reason it was exciting was because in the first section, I recognized the lyrics to a song Jordan and I sang last summer: v.7 "Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance."  The song is "Hiding Place" by Selah, and they re-interpret the words this way:

You are my hiding place.
You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance.
Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.

If you have never heard the song, check it out - I love it, not only for the words, which really speak to my fearful, anxious tendancies, but also for the music: the male and female vocals weave around each other in a really haunting melody.

A few verses down, I was struck by the picture that the psalmist paints: v.8-9 "I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.  Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held with bit and bridle, lest they come near unto thee."  The idea is that we tend to be like a willful horse, who has to be tightly controlled and disciplined with a bit and reins in order to be useful.  God wants us to draw close to him, and He doesn't want to force us to with the spiritual equivalents of bit and bridle.  How much more pleasant the experience would be if we would turn to Him instead of stubbornly going our own way.

I used to think that the phrase "lead, guide, and direct us" was rather redundant, but my father always includes it when he prays.  Perhaps, considering how crucial it is that we allow ourselves to be lead by God, the phrase is not redundant, but, rather, appropriately emphatic. 

P.S. The above picture is from St. Materiana's Church in Tintagel, England.  It is a very small, very old church at the top of a rocky cliff jutting out into the sea.

Easter Goodness

I had a great Easter this year. The drawback was not going home to be with my family - we were singing in the choir at church and felt that we should be there. But we still had a great time with friends who joined us for church and then came over for lunch.

We didn't make it to the Sunrise Service and Easter Breakfast at church this year. Instead, we slept in a bit, and got ready. The 10:00 service was great, though. The choir sang four songs and our soloists were amazing, and our pastor delivered an impassioned message about the different responses of Mary, Peter, and John when they saw the empty tomb, asking us to consider our own response. I want to be like John, who saw the empty tomb and believed immediately that Christ was Lord and risen. Peter was fearful and skeptical, and Mary Magdalene, who desparately wanted Jesus to be alive, was so distraught that at first she couldn't recognize Christ. Like John, of course, I have believed and trusted in Christ for salvation, but I am often like Mary, fearful and unable to see Christ at work or recognize the fulfilment of His promises.

Lunch was great - I am afraid the ham got a little dry, but it had a tasty pineapple-brown sugar glaze, and we had roasted veggies (asparagus, carrots, and onions), deviled eggs, macaroni and cheese, and cheesy bread (my friend brought the last two). For dessert, I made carrot cake cupcakes with cream cheese frosting, all from scratch. I am always amazed (though I shouldn't be) how much better things made from scratch taste than things out of the can). I ate an embarassing number of cupcakes myself. We dyed Easter Eggs, and then I nursed a migraine (the only other drawback of the day) from the couch, watching Mary Poppins and all but the very end of The Sound of Music. I hadn't seen Mary Poppins in years, although I watched it constantly as a kid, and I had forgotten how good it was. I had never seen The Sound of Music, and I loved it, although I am still going to have to watch it again, so I can see how they escape the Nazis.

All in all, it was a good day.